One of the things I figured I would write about this month are the books that we have read over the last few years that have really helped our relationship. I've read some really good ones, lots of mediocre ones, and a few really awful ones. :-) Today I am here to tell you about Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. The tagline for the book is "The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs." The premise of this book is that love alone is not enough. Our culture idealizes love above all else, and in the process completely loses sight of the fact that respect is every bit as vital to a healthy relationship as love is. Dr. Eggerichs delves into what he calls the "Crazy Cycle", where a woman who feels no love gives no respect, and the husband, feeling no respect, gives no love. He talks about the way that man's brain is hardwired differently than a woman's, how a man needs to hear that he is respected for who he is, what he does, and the choices that he makes in life. Women, on the other hand, are made to love, need love, and shower it abundantly on those around them.
Dr. Eggerichs offers really helpful advice on the kind of language to use to express your feelings of respect to your husband, and on the different ways a husband can be more sensitive and loving towards his wife. The second part of the book really delves into these topics, exploring them in great detail, and giving lots of pointers and ideas. He shows how you can get to the point where you have built a strong foundation for your marriage, so much so that if one of you can't be loving, or respectful, the other shows the proper attitude regardless.
I think what I like so much about this book is that it is so fair. It really explores a woman's desperate natural need to be loved, and how she feels literally starved for it when it is not there. But it gives just as much time and attention to the man's side of the story, stating that his need for respect is just as natural and vital, and he will wither up and die without it. It's written in a very smooth, easy to read format, and has been a great tool for us. If you haven't read it, I encourage you to pick up a copy! :-)
Buy this book on Amazon :-)
Awesome! Thanks for the recommendation. It seems like a book Adam and I would enjoy reading together.
ReplyDeleteI agree--this is a really good book! We got it as a wedding gift. The thing I learned most was when he said the person who is the most mature (at that moment at least!) should be the one to make the move to stop the crazy cycle. If you aren't happy with the way things are and/or you aren't getting what you need, you should be the one to start showing more respect (in our case as females) and not wait for your spouse to change things. Very helpful to me!
ReplyDelete(Note: I highly recommend the book over the video seminars, which got so repetitive we felt we were part of a whole new "crazy cycle" after a few sessions!!! We attended a Sunday school class centered around the videos, and it felt like the same thing every week. I don't think the videos did the book any justice at all.)
Emily,
ReplyDeleteI agree! I love the advice for one of the two to "grow up" and be the more mature one. I have that thought so often: well HE should be the one to stop this madness! :-)