The Day We Became Three

Javi's due date came and went. No Javi. And it was Thanksgiving Day, so of course we saw both sides of the whole family, and I was in a super social mood. (Not.) :-) I had purposely ignored the "due date" because I knew there was little to no chance of him coming that day.

We had hoped for his arrival on two other days - the 17th (because we love 17s) and the 22nd, because on his golden birthday, when he turned 22, the date would be 11.22.33 My brother Jon was rooting for the 28th, because that was his birthday. The Kodankos were rooting for him to be born on December 6th, so he would be part of the December birthday lineup.

So, we had tried walking, pineapple, raspberry leaf tea and ... other stuff. Nothing happened, not even one single contraction. I had talked with my doctor about her policies for overdue babies, knowing there was a high likelihood of my going late, as I myself was three weeks late. What can I say, I've never been one to be on time. :0) My doctor's policy was that she doesn't like to go over 41 weeks, as the risk of stillborn babies goes up drastically after 41 weeks of gestation. So my doctor was already talking about inducing on Wednesday (6 days after my due date.)

Lover and I had discussed this ad nauseum, and had decided that as long as my scans/tests showed that Javi was ok, we'd try to push that induction date out to Friday. My due date came and went, along with the next three days. Monday morning I woke up knowing that I had an ultrasound and a non-stress test scheduled to check the baby's vitals.
At the ultrasound they hooked me up and started checking baby vitals, movement, and measuring the amount of amniotic fluid left. Javi refused to move, so they had to push and prod quite a bit to get him to move enough for their scans. I think he was kind of like - guys, I'm quite cramped in here and don't feel like moving! :-)

Dr Grace came in to go over the results with me, and rather than the typical "you're great! see you next week!" he proceeded to repeat all of the scans that the tech had done. That's when I first started thinking that we were out of time. Once he finished the scans he looked at me and said "how would you like to have a baby today?!?" I must have just given him a wide eyed scared look, because he then proceeded to explain that the amount of amniotic fluid was quite low, which is a pre-warning sign if you will. It's the step before the placenta quits doing its job feeding and sustaining the baby. Dr Grace also felt like the baby was around 9 lbs, and waiting any longer would only make it more difficult to get him out and increase my likelihood of needing a C-section.

So he called up labor & delivery and in a very doctor like fashion, told them they would need to fit me in tonight. He was graciously allowing me to go home, pack my bags, pick up Lover and have a leisurely dinner, which I was quite happy about. He gave me my papers, told me to call around 6pm to make sure they were ready for me, and just like that he was gone.

I called Lover right after that, voice shaky and trying not to cry. Nothing was really wrong (other than massive amounts of hormones!) but the reality of Javi's imminent arrival was starting to hit me. We agreed that I would pick Lover up around 4, so I went to the mall to kill some time. A lady at Marshalls asked me when I was due, and gave me a look of sympathy when I told her -last Thursday. I went home and added the last few things to my hospital bag, and then went to go pick up Lover.

We had dinner - I can't remember what we got. Then I took the longest shower of my life, where I shaved my legs, scrubbed, cleaned and got as spiffy as I could with a monster belly impeding my movements. I even painted my toenails when I was done. I figured I would be stuck in a hospital bed for several days (they told me it could realistically be Wednesday before I actually delivered, depending on how my body reacted to the induction.)



We checked into the hospital and tried to get settled in. I was nervous and ready to get the show on the road. At the same time I was still in denial, I think. :) They gave me the first drug at midnight on Monday night, and also a shot of morphine so I could sleep.
I woke up around 5am feeling some contractions - which got much stronger and closer together by 7am. When they came to check on me at 7am, my contractions were lasting about a minute and were a minute and a half apart. Because I was being induced, I wasn’t allowed to get out of bed, so I couldn’t do anything to distract myself other than hold Lover’s hand and try to breathe through them.

The NP came in around 9 I think to check my progress, and they actually told the nurse to lower my pitocin drip because the contractions were too intense! But it was just my body doing its thing, so there wasn’t anything they could do about it. When the contractions got really bad, I told myself “pain is Javi leaving the body.”

My goal was always to go as med free as possible,  but the fact that I was being induced severely limits your options when it comes to coping with the pain. I couldn’t go in the tub, couldn’t walk around. Typically, even when induced, I would be able to sit in a rocking chair or at least change positions. But they were having a really hard time keeping track of Javi’s vitals, so they needed me to stay as still as possible. Stinken rotten! So, I asked for an epidural. Our nurses were all awesome, but Olivia was the best. She knelt on the floor for fifteen minutes, holding Javi’s monitors in just the right place on my belly so she could prove the strength and frequency of the contractions I was having and  I could get my epidural early.

The anesthesiologist snuck in to take care of me between planned c-sections, and she and the nurse were great at helping me stay calm and still. A funny memory - they told me to hug a pillow and slump over, rounding my back as much as I could. I did, and she said I was doing great. I remember thinking - finally, my bad posture is coming in handy!
Once the epidural took effect, I had two beautiful, pain free hours. I think we talked and laughed a little, maybe watched TV? I don’t remember but I remember that the pain was so much better. I couldn’t feel anything.

Then they started having trouble tracking Javi again, so they moved me all around until they got a good signal. I had to lay partially on my right side with some pillows supporting me. Not long after that, I started feeling a lot of pain again. I clicked my little button for more drugs, but it didn't seem to be working. Turns out, the epidural all went to my right side, and left my left side untouched. So my joke is that I had both a natural birth and a medicated one, at the same time!

For several hours the contractions got even more intense as we got closer and closer. The doctor broke my water somewhere in there, and I remember them saying I went from hardly dilated to a 9 ½ within about an hour or so.

So now I’m fully dilated, the contractions are insane and I’m ready to do something besides try to breathe through every contraction. For as long as I live, I’ll never forget that breathing stuff - hee,hee, whooooooo....hee, hee, whoooooo. In the beginning it was annoying and I felt dumb, but in the end it was all I could focus on. I actually imagined a huge neon marquee sign with those words, and I would light up each one in my mind as I needed to say them. I was literally living second to second.

In restrospect, that’s when I was in transition, and I stayed there much longer than I should have because the doctor was busy. They gave me some mumbo jumbo about first time births and letting your body do the work of moving  the baby down, but that was just code for “another mom is more in crisis than you are right now, so just hang in there.”

Apparently I got a little delirious during that time, and told Luke emphatically “I have to get off this train! It’s going to blow up! It’s  going to Columbo and I don’t want to go!” He wisely told me to go ahead and get off the train. Smart man.

He was so wonderful during the whole labor. He held my hand for hours, got me drinks, brushed back my hair, he just loved me. He would encourage me through every contraction, telling me when they peaked, and that the worst was over for that one. I literally could not have done it without him.

Doctor Cherkis was finally done with the c-section, and he literally walked right over to check on me, went out to scrub up, and came back in to deliver. They told me I could finally start pushing.

The anesthesiologist had just upped my epidural because I had been in so much pain. I could still feel every contraction, but it wasn’t excruciating like it had been. Dr Cherkis was really mad, and he argued with the nurse over top of me saying I wouldn’t be able to feel anything, while I was telling them I was having a contraction and asking if I could push. I repeated myself several times until they noticed and listened. It was such a relief to finally be able to push, and direct all that pain somewhere!

I’d like to note here that both Lover and the observing student commented on how sore their abs were from tensing while I pushed. I’m sure it was exhausting to go through that!

I pushed for just over an hour. After a while of pushing, and starting to get the hang of it, the doctor told me that Javi was facing the wrong way. That explained a lot of the pain, (other than the fact that a gigantor baby was trying to come into the world) and the fact that his  heart rate kept rising. Dr Cherkis looked me in the eyes and said “he’s too far up for me to help you turn him. And he can’t stay in there much longer. You need to get him out.” I knew Javi was in danger from his tight lips and narrowed eyes.

So I took a deep breath and pushed until I thought I would pass out. The nurses were saying encouraging things, and the doctor was speaking in short, clipped sentences. I don’t remember everything he said, but suddenly there were about fifteen other people in the room. There was the pediatric team, an orthopedic team, extra people for me, more help for the doctor, etc. Based on the size of the baby’s head, the doctor thought he might need to dislocate a shoulder to get him out.

Lover told me that as Javi’s head came out, Dr Cherkis was already unwrapping the umbilical cord from around his neck. Another push got him out- it felt weird, kind of floppy like a water doll. Within seconds the doctor lifted him up and handed him to the pediatric team. He didn’t move at all, and was completely gray and limp. I only glimpsed him as he was whisked over to the corner.

Four people worked on getting life in him - aspirating his lungs clean, rubbing him, stimulating him. The nurse kept telling me not to worry that he wasn’t crying, because they had a tube down his lungs. The doctor was working on me, but I just watched the backs of the people in the corner, waiting to hear Javi cry. Lover stood next to me, still holding my hand, tears flowing down his cheeks.



Several minutes later, it seemed like forever, I heard a little cry. At that point the intense, focused pace everyone had been following began to relax. They invited Luke over to see the baby, I have a vague memory of him holding Javi’s tiny little fist while they weighed him and measured him. He was 21.5 inches and 8lbs 8 ounces!

After what seemed like an eternity, and it really was about fifteen minutes, they finally brought a little bundle over to me. I was surprised by how heavy he was. He looked incredibly angry, like he had not enjoyed being born at all! I held him and looked in his face, crying and saying, Hello baby! I looked at his little hands and feet, they were iron gray, like an orc’s. They stayed that way until he got a bath later that night.


As the staff cleaned everything up and the doctor finished, he asked, was it a boy or a girl? He had been so focused on keeping both of us alive and well that he didn’t even see what he delivered.

The hospital plays a little lullaby over the speakers when a baby is born, and our music played as staff came over and congratulated us. I was amazed that these people see babies being born every day, and they still crowd into rooms to see the tiny new life. Everyone was so nice and happy for us.



The doctors asked us not to receive visitors that night because Javi had such a difficult birth. So we laid low, taking a shower, figuring out breastfeeding, and sending out our announcement via email and facebook.

I ate an enormous ham sandwich - I was starving! At one point Javi fell asleep and we laid him down in the little tub bed. He made a tiny cry, sounding like a kitten, and we both looked at each other and said “we can’t let him cry on his first day!” and picked him up and snuggled him. Luke spent hours holding him - I was so tired from the delivery and I wanted them to have all the time they could get together to bond.



The next morning, before his rotation ended, Dr Cherkis stopped in to see us. I’ll never forget the feel of Dr Cherkis’ hand pressing mine as he congratulated us on our beautiful baby. He told me “ you did so good.” I thanked him for getting my baby out safely and he said “no, thank you.” which surprised me so much. He was impressed that I got him out on my own.

It's just over a year later, and Javi is so big and so much fun! He's walking and babbling, and flashes you huge smiles. He's the greatest little boy, and we're so blessed to have him!

The Basement Overhaul: Chapter 2

The last time I blogged about the basement was two years and eight months ago. In that post I showed you the basement all torn up, and in this post about the laundry room, I showed you a sneak peek of the bathroom framing. Then I said something really funny:

"I’ll keep updating you as we make progress."

Again, that was almost three years ago. :-) We got to the point where we hated (and I do mean HATED) working on the basement. We were arguing every time we worked on it, overwhelmed by the amount of projects and work that needed to be done, and just plain old sick and tired of working down in the cement dungeon. When we bought our house we vowed to never let it become the priority in our lives, or dictate our actions. So we called a timeout and agreed to shelf the basement project until we could stand to talk about it again.

Tempers cooled, time went by, and we revisited the idea of finishing the basement. At that point we had torn out all of the existing finished parts of the basement, with the exception of the kitchen. It no longer looked like this, thank the Lord.



We agreed at that point that we needed to save up the funds to have the pros come in and finish framing and drywalling for us. In our estimation, if we tried to do it ourselves, it would take us approximately 5,837 years.

So for the next year or so, we saved our pennies. We agreed on the amount of money we would spend on "outsourcing" and shopped around for a contractor that came well recommended and was within our price range. We found a great guy, talked over the plans with him a million times, and finally had him start work in July.

I'm going to take a few posts to show the amount of work Pat and his guys accomplished in just three weeks. It was nothing short of amazing. But before that, here's where things stood before they got to work.

The stairwell down, clad in paneling



The stairs themselves, freaky and creaky



The view directly across from the bottom of the stairs

To the right



The laundry area



The bathroom



To the left of the stairs



And what we're calling the "nook"



Although it looks pretty scary, we had actually accomplished a lot at this point:

• Demolition, and LOTS of it.


• Supports for the stairs


• Framing for the bathroom


• Reworking of some ductwork, and adding a duct for the bath/living areas


• Electrical to the laundry and bathroom areas (with the exception of the shower)


• Plumbing for the laundry and bathroom, including building a platform and installing a pump for the shower


• Installing a new toilet and sink/faucet


• Replacing the water heater


• Having our window guy replace the other two glass block windows


• Cable guy ran new internet connection


• Removed all of the nasty vinyl tile stuck to the cement floor.

That's where things stood when the contractors began. Next up, drylok and framing!

Grateful Banner

You guys, I made a craft! Made it, hung it up and I'm blogging about it in a timely manner! I gave myself an imaginary gold star. :-) On a side note, wouldn't it be amazing if life handed out gold stars the way school did? I'm just sayin. :-) Okay, here's what I made.



Bam. A grateful banner. I'm pretty happy with the way it came out. I wanted to decorate a little bit for fall, nothing too crazy but just a little touch. God's been teaching me for a couple of years now the amazing plethora of things I have to be grateful for, and man is it awesome and humbling. As my friend Jenna says, an embarrassment of riches is what I have, friends. Here's how the whole fireplace/mantel area is looking.



I made the banner during a naptime - I painted randomly all over a sheet of watercolor paper, let it dry, and then cut the leaves out of that. Then I used watercolor pencils to draw my letters, filled them in and then painted over them to give them that watercolor effect. I love watercolor pencils. Also, I finished this part after Monster woke up, and he may or may not have eaten a few of my pencils. Oops.



Then, it was hole punching and stringing time (I used simple baker's twine). The whole thing was light enough to hang with scotch tape, but you could also drive some very small nails into the top of the mantel to hang the banner from. A cool mosaic frame from Pier 1 that I added a mirror to and my ceramic pumpkins round out the mantel. Oh, and my fall candle of course! :-)



So there you have it. A fast and easy craft that reminds me to reflect on all of the things I am blessed with in my life. I'm linking this up to Kim's Dare to DIY party. I have no idea if I'll finish every week, but I made it for this partay! :-)

RiverWalk

Our town has a river that slices the whole city in half and lets out into the lake. There is a 15 mile riverwalk that we decided to check out one quiet Sunday evening in September. We saw tons of birds, herons, ducks, turtles, and a beaver. It was a lot of fun!













Javi decided to try out the taste of leaves, he wasn't thrilled.



 

At the end of our walk (not the end of the riverwalk though!) we came across this funny little boater's community. People had sheds, neon lights, customized signs... it was the funniest thing.



Such a fun evening, and some great fresh air and exercise too! :-)

Day 31: In Which the End is Upon Us

You guys, I blogged for 31 days about one singular topic and I am so psyched! I talked for 31 days straight about lots of stuff that I've learned since my little man joined us. I'm all talked out about babies. :) Going forward I am going to try to get you updated on some house stuff that we've been working on. 'Member how we were working on our basement? :-)

I thought I would leave you with some links to articles that I really enjoyed but never found a place for during this series.

The Last Time by Devon Corneal - oh me, this is so beautifully written. It's along the lines of my "this too shall pass" post, and I cried buckets reading it. The comments add to the post, so give those a looksie too.

Song for a Fifth Child by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton - This is a sweet song about enjoying your baby, and keeping your priorities straight. I love it. The last line plays in my head frequently. "I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep."

Jennifer Adventures by Lori Ries - On the importance of being a part of your children's lives, not just their caretaker. Beautiful.

Pictures with Kids by Allison Tate - why you need to be in the pictures with your children. A great reminder.

Oh, and that reminds me, my bonus advice for today is to take pictures. Of your baby, obviously, but of the babe and your husband, of the babe and you, and of you all as a family. Don't worry about posed, perfectly groomed shots. Just take the pictures so you have the memories!





We took these pics on our way home from Jersey last week. A quick stop to stretch our legs and the light was beautiful, so I took advantage.

Anyways, thanks for sticking with me on this adventure. I had fun, and I hope you did too! :-)

Day 30: Be Willing to Change

We talked early in the month about flexibility, and how crucial it is to your survival with a new baby. Here's something that builds on that advice. Be willing to change - yourself. Winston Churchill said "To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often."

Being a mom is highlighting areas of my life that need change. There are areas that need improvement so I can be a better example to my son.  There are things I need to work on so I can be content with the season of life that I am in.

The more resistant I am to change, the more difficult my days are. Change is hard for me. I like things to stay the same. I love traditions and find comfort in routine. Well, at least until the routine threatens to make me go insane. :)

But the fear of the unknown often holds me back from attempting to change. And the fear of failure? Man, that one just kills me. I hate, hate, HATE failing.

I'm learning that there is little in life that can be definitively called "failing." As long as I am trying, and I am willing to give it another go, I'm on the right track.

We aren't robots, built one day in an assembly line, and destined to remain the same forever. We have the ability to learn, grow, acquire new skills, the ability to change. And I need to avail myself of that opportunity so that I am the very best "Me" I can be.

Day 29: This Too Shall Pass

I think one of the hardest parts of being a mom is getting stuck in the now. Especially when the now is dealing with teething, no sleep, diaper rash, temper tantrums, etc. It's so hard to maintain perspective on how quickly this whole phase will be over when your tiny human is screaming louder than you've ever heard a person scream before. Or covers himself in yogurt and applesauce IMMEDIATELY after you bathed him. Or doesn't want to be put down - ever.

Those times are really hard. It's trying, and it's tempting to lose your cool and yell back. Let me tell you, apologizing to your ten month old is a humbling experience. We all have the things that really frustrate us and irritate us. We're human. But here's the thing. It will be over too soon. I think of the phrase "this too shall pass" multiple times a week. I won't be changing diapers forever. I won't have a 25lb boy on my hip at all times. I'll sleep as much as I want, whenever I want. The hard baby days will be over soon. (just in time for hard toddler days!)

The flip side is this. The good days go by just as quickly. There was a couple of weeks when Javi would laugh hysterically the entire time I changed him into his pajamas. The greatest little baby giggles and guffaws you ever heard. Now he prefers to be on the move whenever possible. There was a time when he slept contentedly in my arms no matter what. Now he likes his bed almost as much as me, and happily cuddles up in it at nighttime. Nursing used to be all he needed for sustenance, now he gobbles down all sorts of other yummy foods.

Whatever it is, good or bad, it's going to be over soon. So do your best to live in the present and soak up the good days. Buckle down and get through the bad days. And remember that no matter what, this too shall pass.

Day 28: Ten Things to Have On Hand

1. Infant Gas Drops - so helpful for cranky tummies, and even if they don't help per se, it will make you feel like you are doing something to help them. :-)

2. Butt Paste - A&D ointment, Desitin, Aquaphor - they all work well. Use them at the first sign of redness to ward off nasty diaper rash.

3. Swaddlers - either extra large blankets like the Aden & Anais muslin blankets, large flannel blankets (I made my own from a yard of flannel and just hemmed the edges) or a specific swaddler like the SwaddleMe

4. White Noise - great for drowning out background noise so either you or the babe can sleep. We downloaded a mp3 file that we play on repeat - cheaper than an actual machine!

5. Earplugs - when you ask for help and have someone watch the baby while you sleep, put these in so you don't hear the baby.

6. Fragrance Free Detergent - no need to pay for pricey dreft, there are several other options for fragrance free detergents. We use Purex Free & Clear, but that's just what's typically cheapest in our area.

7. Bath Sponge Mat - I used this in our kitchen sink in the beginning for baths, and then as a stabilizer in the big bath once Javi could sit on his own. It wrings out and hangs to dry, and stores in the same bin as all the other newborn stuff. No big plastic tub to store!

8. Baby Oil - a combination of baby oil and dandruff shampoo were the most effective things I found to combat cradle cap. You rub the baby oil into their scalp, let it sit for a minute, then comb it out. Then you carefully wash their head with the dandruff shampoo. Javi's cleared up in about three days by doing this once a day.

9. Burp cloths - babies are messy. All the time. I had a variety of burp cloths given to me, but ended up liking a few hand towels the best. Just be sure to have enough on hand to go through a few a day.

10. A swing - I loved the one we had - a girlfriend gave it to us and it worked great. He would nap in it, chill in it, and even slept in it at night for a few weeks when he wouldn't sleep anywhere else.

Just my opinion, but these are all things that I thought were great!

Day 27: The Fourth Trimester

I heard the first few months after you have a baby jokingly referred to as the fourth trimester, and boy was that accurate! Somehow in my head I had decided that once Javi was born, all of the hard stuff would be over. I mean, yeah, we were going to be adjusting to having a baby, but other than that, I would finally not be pregnant! I would be able to sleep normally, I wouldn't constantly be in pain and uncomfortable, I'd be able to eat everything again... um, yeah, that totally did not happen.

I guess what I failed to realize is that I had just grown a human inside my body, and then pushed him out into the world. A big, healthy, baby. That's bound to leave some lasting effects. Between the normal recovery after a birth and breastfeeding - I was uncomfortable and in pain. Between the babe waking every few hours, and my first time mom hormones and fears, I wasn't sleeping much. And a new babe's sensitive stomach and my absolutely shot digestion system meant that I had to be quite careful about what I ate.

Had I been more realistic about the fact that it was going to take a while for us to adjust to being three instead of two, that I had to heal from pregnancy and birth, and that I had to learn how to care for a newborn....maybe those first few months would have been easier. I know hindsight's always 20/20, but I think it would have made a difference.

So, I'm telling you - remember that you've got a couple of months of adjustment and healing ahead of you. Be patient with yourself, and don't try to rush back to normal life.

Day 26: Thankfulness

I have so much to be thankful for. My list of things I am thankful for could fill up a 5 subject notebook, I'm just that blessed. As my friend Jenna says it, I am blessed with an embarrassment of riches. And one of the things that I am most thankful for is a healthy baby.

I love the fact that Javi is such a happy, easygoing baby. I love that he is so much fun. But I am so BEYOND thankful that I don't have to worry about his health. I had a safe and healthy pregnancy, in spite of the fact that I was nauseous for 36 weeks. We were in a car accident at 37 weeks that didn't affect Javi at all. And although his actual birth got a little tense, he bounced back very, very quickly and had no lasting problems. We've only been to the doctor (other than his checkups) once for a little cold.

I'm reminded constantly of how blessed I am to have such a healthy boy. I have friends whose kids aren't as healthy, and I have friends whose children are severely ill. I have friends who have lost beautiful babies... and handled it with the grace that only comes from our Savior.

We have so much to be thankful for in life. God promises us food and clothing only, anything beyond that is literally a gift from him. When put into perspective that way, I have so very, very much. And the gratitude that comes from acknowledging that gets me through those very hard days. Recognizing the multitude of gifts I've been given - a son that I prayed for, not the least of these, builds my trust in my heavenly Father, so that I lean on him more and more.

What are you thankful for?

Day 25: Prayer

Girls, I can't think of anything more important than prayer. It's become so crucial to me, and I'm praying that God opens my eyes even more to the power of prayer and makes it even more indispensable to my life as a woman, wife, mother, and friend.

Early on, in those first few weeks of all night marathon nursing sessions, I designated the early morning hour of nursing my prayer time. Not because I was feeling oh-so-holy, but precisely because I wasn't. I begged God for patience, grace, joy, wisdom... man, I would just run down the list. I needed it all. I still do.

I have no idea how to raise a son that loves God. I have no idea how to raise a son that genuinely cares for others. But God does. So I'm asking him to teach me and to guide me. I'm praying that he gives me the grace to respond with gentleness when I am frustrated, to give my son an example of a mom and dad who love each other. To show a genuine, true example of a child of God who lives to please him.

It's a tall order. It terrifies me when I think about trying to do it all on my own. So I pray. I pray as much as I can and remember to, and I pray that God reminds me to pray even more.

"The effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much"

Lord, let my prayer be effectual!

Day 24: Enjoy Your Baby

Having a baby in my life is just plain fun. No one else laughs hysterically when I sneeze, or thinks it's funny when I say boo. No one else runs away screaming in delight when I crawl after him growling "I'm gonna get you!"

Javi makes me laugh many, many times a day. I laugh even more when I remember to live fully in the present, enjoying the stage that my baby is in, not rushing the future. There will always be time to blog more, to sleep more, to work more. But I won't always have little ones to rock to sleep, little bellies to tickle, and little hands to hold.

Being purposeful about enjoying my baby makes me like being a mom so much more. Because honestly, there is a lot to enjoy. Javi's a funny, smart, silly little boy, and I love being his mom.