Day 31: In Which the End is Upon Us

You guys, I blogged for 31 days about one singular topic and I am so psyched! I talked for 31 days straight about lots of stuff that I've learned since my little man joined us. I'm all talked out about babies. :) Going forward I am going to try to get you updated on some house stuff that we've been working on. 'Member how we were working on our basement? :-)

I thought I would leave you with some links to articles that I really enjoyed but never found a place for during this series.

The Last Time by Devon Corneal - oh me, this is so beautifully written. It's along the lines of my "this too shall pass" post, and I cried buckets reading it. The comments add to the post, so give those a looksie too.

Song for a Fifth Child by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton - This is a sweet song about enjoying your baby, and keeping your priorities straight. I love it. The last line plays in my head frequently. "I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep."

Jennifer Adventures by Lori Ries - On the importance of being a part of your children's lives, not just their caretaker. Beautiful.

Pictures with Kids by Allison Tate - why you need to be in the pictures with your children. A great reminder.

Oh, and that reminds me, my bonus advice for today is to take pictures. Of your baby, obviously, but of the babe and your husband, of the babe and you, and of you all as a family. Don't worry about posed, perfectly groomed shots. Just take the pictures so you have the memories!





We took these pics on our way home from Jersey last week. A quick stop to stretch our legs and the light was beautiful, so I took advantage.

Anyways, thanks for sticking with me on this adventure. I had fun, and I hope you did too! :-)

Day 30: Be Willing to Change

We talked early in the month about flexibility, and how crucial it is to your survival with a new baby. Here's something that builds on that advice. Be willing to change - yourself. Winston Churchill said "To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often."

Being a mom is highlighting areas of my life that need change. There are areas that need improvement so I can be a better example to my son.  There are things I need to work on so I can be content with the season of life that I am in.

The more resistant I am to change, the more difficult my days are. Change is hard for me. I like things to stay the same. I love traditions and find comfort in routine. Well, at least until the routine threatens to make me go insane. :)

But the fear of the unknown often holds me back from attempting to change. And the fear of failure? Man, that one just kills me. I hate, hate, HATE failing.

I'm learning that there is little in life that can be definitively called "failing." As long as I am trying, and I am willing to give it another go, I'm on the right track.

We aren't robots, built one day in an assembly line, and destined to remain the same forever. We have the ability to learn, grow, acquire new skills, the ability to change. And I need to avail myself of that opportunity so that I am the very best "Me" I can be.

Day 29: This Too Shall Pass

I think one of the hardest parts of being a mom is getting stuck in the now. Especially when the now is dealing with teething, no sleep, diaper rash, temper tantrums, etc. It's so hard to maintain perspective on how quickly this whole phase will be over when your tiny human is screaming louder than you've ever heard a person scream before. Or covers himself in yogurt and applesauce IMMEDIATELY after you bathed him. Or doesn't want to be put down - ever.

Those times are really hard. It's trying, and it's tempting to lose your cool and yell back. Let me tell you, apologizing to your ten month old is a humbling experience. We all have the things that really frustrate us and irritate us. We're human. But here's the thing. It will be over too soon. I think of the phrase "this too shall pass" multiple times a week. I won't be changing diapers forever. I won't have a 25lb boy on my hip at all times. I'll sleep as much as I want, whenever I want. The hard baby days will be over soon. (just in time for hard toddler days!)

The flip side is this. The good days go by just as quickly. There was a couple of weeks when Javi would laugh hysterically the entire time I changed him into his pajamas. The greatest little baby giggles and guffaws you ever heard. Now he prefers to be on the move whenever possible. There was a time when he slept contentedly in my arms no matter what. Now he likes his bed almost as much as me, and happily cuddles up in it at nighttime. Nursing used to be all he needed for sustenance, now he gobbles down all sorts of other yummy foods.

Whatever it is, good or bad, it's going to be over soon. So do your best to live in the present and soak up the good days. Buckle down and get through the bad days. And remember that no matter what, this too shall pass.

Day 28: Ten Things to Have On Hand

1. Infant Gas Drops - so helpful for cranky tummies, and even if they don't help per se, it will make you feel like you are doing something to help them. :-)

2. Butt Paste - A&D ointment, Desitin, Aquaphor - they all work well. Use them at the first sign of redness to ward off nasty diaper rash.

3. Swaddlers - either extra large blankets like the Aden & Anais muslin blankets, large flannel blankets (I made my own from a yard of flannel and just hemmed the edges) or a specific swaddler like the SwaddleMe

4. White Noise - great for drowning out background noise so either you or the babe can sleep. We downloaded a mp3 file that we play on repeat - cheaper than an actual machine!

5. Earplugs - when you ask for help and have someone watch the baby while you sleep, put these in so you don't hear the baby.

6. Fragrance Free Detergent - no need to pay for pricey dreft, there are several other options for fragrance free detergents. We use Purex Free & Clear, but that's just what's typically cheapest in our area.

7. Bath Sponge Mat - I used this in our kitchen sink in the beginning for baths, and then as a stabilizer in the big bath once Javi could sit on his own. It wrings out and hangs to dry, and stores in the same bin as all the other newborn stuff. No big plastic tub to store!

8. Baby Oil - a combination of baby oil and dandruff shampoo were the most effective things I found to combat cradle cap. You rub the baby oil into their scalp, let it sit for a minute, then comb it out. Then you carefully wash their head with the dandruff shampoo. Javi's cleared up in about three days by doing this once a day.

9. Burp cloths - babies are messy. All the time. I had a variety of burp cloths given to me, but ended up liking a few hand towels the best. Just be sure to have enough on hand to go through a few a day.

10. A swing - I loved the one we had - a girlfriend gave it to us and it worked great. He would nap in it, chill in it, and even slept in it at night for a few weeks when he wouldn't sleep anywhere else.

Just my opinion, but these are all things that I thought were great!

Day 27: The Fourth Trimester

I heard the first few months after you have a baby jokingly referred to as the fourth trimester, and boy was that accurate! Somehow in my head I had decided that once Javi was born, all of the hard stuff would be over. I mean, yeah, we were going to be adjusting to having a baby, but other than that, I would finally not be pregnant! I would be able to sleep normally, I wouldn't constantly be in pain and uncomfortable, I'd be able to eat everything again... um, yeah, that totally did not happen.

I guess what I failed to realize is that I had just grown a human inside my body, and then pushed him out into the world. A big, healthy, baby. That's bound to leave some lasting effects. Between the normal recovery after a birth and breastfeeding - I was uncomfortable and in pain. Between the babe waking every few hours, and my first time mom hormones and fears, I wasn't sleeping much. And a new babe's sensitive stomach and my absolutely shot digestion system meant that I had to be quite careful about what I ate.

Had I been more realistic about the fact that it was going to take a while for us to adjust to being three instead of two, that I had to heal from pregnancy and birth, and that I had to learn how to care for a newborn....maybe those first few months would have been easier. I know hindsight's always 20/20, but I think it would have made a difference.

So, I'm telling you - remember that you've got a couple of months of adjustment and healing ahead of you. Be patient with yourself, and don't try to rush back to normal life.

Day 26: Thankfulness

I have so much to be thankful for. My list of things I am thankful for could fill up a 5 subject notebook, I'm just that blessed. As my friend Jenna says it, I am blessed with an embarrassment of riches. And one of the things that I am most thankful for is a healthy baby.

I love the fact that Javi is such a happy, easygoing baby. I love that he is so much fun. But I am so BEYOND thankful that I don't have to worry about his health. I had a safe and healthy pregnancy, in spite of the fact that I was nauseous for 36 weeks. We were in a car accident at 37 weeks that didn't affect Javi at all. And although his actual birth got a little tense, he bounced back very, very quickly and had no lasting problems. We've only been to the doctor (other than his checkups) once for a little cold.

I'm reminded constantly of how blessed I am to have such a healthy boy. I have friends whose kids aren't as healthy, and I have friends whose children are severely ill. I have friends who have lost beautiful babies... and handled it with the grace that only comes from our Savior.

We have so much to be thankful for in life. God promises us food and clothing only, anything beyond that is literally a gift from him. When put into perspective that way, I have so very, very much. And the gratitude that comes from acknowledging that gets me through those very hard days. Recognizing the multitude of gifts I've been given - a son that I prayed for, not the least of these, builds my trust in my heavenly Father, so that I lean on him more and more.

What are you thankful for?

Day 25: Prayer

Girls, I can't think of anything more important than prayer. It's become so crucial to me, and I'm praying that God opens my eyes even more to the power of prayer and makes it even more indispensable to my life as a woman, wife, mother, and friend.

Early on, in those first few weeks of all night marathon nursing sessions, I designated the early morning hour of nursing my prayer time. Not because I was feeling oh-so-holy, but precisely because I wasn't. I begged God for patience, grace, joy, wisdom... man, I would just run down the list. I needed it all. I still do.

I have no idea how to raise a son that loves God. I have no idea how to raise a son that genuinely cares for others. But God does. So I'm asking him to teach me and to guide me. I'm praying that he gives me the grace to respond with gentleness when I am frustrated, to give my son an example of a mom and dad who love each other. To show a genuine, true example of a child of God who lives to please him.

It's a tall order. It terrifies me when I think about trying to do it all on my own. So I pray. I pray as much as I can and remember to, and I pray that God reminds me to pray even more.

"The effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much"

Lord, let my prayer be effectual!

Day 24: Enjoy Your Baby

Having a baby in my life is just plain fun. No one else laughs hysterically when I sneeze, or thinks it's funny when I say boo. No one else runs away screaming in delight when I crawl after him growling "I'm gonna get you!"

Javi makes me laugh many, many times a day. I laugh even more when I remember to live fully in the present, enjoying the stage that my baby is in, not rushing the future. There will always be time to blog more, to sleep more, to work more. But I won't always have little ones to rock to sleep, little bellies to tickle, and little hands to hold.

Being purposeful about enjoying my baby makes me like being a mom so much more. Because honestly, there is a lot to enjoy. Javi's a funny, smart, silly little boy, and I love being his mom.

Day 23: Babies Are People Too

The reason that you need to get to know your baby is because they are people too. Babies are not some adorable little breed of human look-a-likes that can be treated like your favorite pet. They are tiny little people with personalities and preferences and they will grow up to be big people with personalities and preferences.

As I am writing this, Javi is eating breakfast next to me. His breakfast consists of a scrambled omelet, a piece of cheese, a handful of raisins and a few Teddy Grahams. It's all on his highchair tray in bitesized pieces, and he's happily chomping away while I type. He loves eggs, especially when they are scrambled up with a little pepper and onion powder. He is enthralled with raisins. He thinks tomatoes are disgusting (just like his father).

His favorite toys right now are his orange ball and his little wooden stick that comes from his shape stacker. He loves people, especially girls, and hates to be alone. He dances along to music, especially songs with a deep bass. He prefers to sleep on his tummy, legs tucked under him, butt up in the air. He loves his daddy, enthusiastically yelling out "DA!" when Lover comes home. He'd live outside if I'd let him.

We've said from the very beginning that Javi is not the most important person in our family, nor is he the least important. He is, very simply, one of the members of our family. A pint-sized person with preferences and opinions, that we try to respect whenever we can.

Day 22: Stock Up

If there's one thing you're short on once a little babe joins the family, it's time. Time to cook dinner, time to run errands, time to shop. Even the most well behaved, perfect little newborn still requires a lot of time to feed, change, clean, rock to sleep, etc. And then of course, when the baby sleeps, you need to shower/eat/sleep/whatever. If you have other little ones, you will find that you're even shorter on time.

One of the best things you can do before that little babe joins the family is to stock up. Even if you're not obsessive and a chronic overpreparer like I am, you'll still want to prep in a few different ways, and have a few things on hand. Here are some ideas:

• Meals: In those last few weeks before Javi joined us, Lover stocked the freezer with several batches of yummy, filling meals that we could nosh on after we came home from the hospital. Anytime anyone asked if they could do something, I asked if they would bring a meal I could stash in the freezer. Our church also organizes meals for the first couple weeks, so that stretched out our non-cooking time even further.


• Paper Products: we stocked up on paper plates, napkins, cups, paper towels and the like for those first few weeks. I just didn't want to have to worry about dishes. So we mostly dined off of tree pulp and then tossed everything in the trash when we were done. Easy peasy.


• Personal Products:: toilet paper, maxi pads (a variety is good), kleenex, and ibuprofen are just a few of the things that I made sure we had a plentiful stash of.


• Household Products: Laundry detergent, stain remover, dryer sheets. I had an extra of all of these in my laundry room so I could always do laundry without having to run to the store. And there was a lot of laundry those first few weeks!


• Baby Products: Diapers!! Wipes!! Lots of them! We had a couple small packages of newborn diapers, and then within a couple of weeks he was in size 1 diapers. But if you have a teeny baby, it will be longer.

Your list will be different. But taking the time to think it through and stock up now, instead of running out of toilet paper at 2am, will be worth it. You'll thank me. :-) 

 

 

Day 21: Date Night

Those of you with eagle eyes and great attention to detail may have noticed that I didn't post yesterday. There was a reason for that. I mentioned last Monday how we had a busy week coming up, and it was very, very busy. Then we surged right into the weekend where   Lover attended a men's conference while I did another photo shoot (my third one this month!) and held down the fort at home with Monster.  We finally met up again on Saturday around 3:30pm, and had a few quick hours of family time before we dropped Monster off at my aunt's house for the night - and Lover and I were off to date night! We had a great time, but I'll dive into that in a minute. We got home late Saturday, jumped back out of bed early Sunday morning for church, went to a friend's house in the afternoon, and finally arrived home Sunday evening around 5pm, ready to do nothing but chill. So I took my own advice and said "no" to blogging so that we could just relax and enjoy our evening together.

But now, back to date night! We purchased a groupon for a glass-firing class/couples night out which was so fun. It was a four hour long class where we watched demonstrations, made three different projects (on our own!) and had some snacks and drinks.



We've made it a huge priority to have date night every week since Javi was about three weeks old. Thankfully we are blessed with amazing family that watches Javi for us every Thursday, but if we didn't, we'd be tweaking the budget to pay for babysitting because it's just that important to us.

I think during those first few months, date night was more for Lover than for me. Honestly, I was so tired that I wasn't much fun to hang with, but it was important for me to leave Javi with someone else and spend some quality time with my man. I needed him to feel like he was still number one in my life, even if all I could do was sip my coffee and listen to him talk about his day. I would make an extra effort to look nice, let my hair down, and spend a few hours speaking his love languages. It did wonders for us.

Once I started getting a little more sleep, date nights became more fun for me too. Now they're often the highlight of our week, although we rarely do anything fancy. This class was an exception for us! Date Night usually includes a bite to eat and a yummy dessert, and as much talking as we can squeeze into three or four hours. We talk about anything and everything and we have a blast. As a new mom, it's great for me to be able to be "off-duty" for a few hours, Lover gets my undivided attention, and it's wonderful for both of us.

So, I encourage you to make Date Night a priority. It doesn't have to be expensive, it doesn't even have to be weekly, if that's not your thing. Maybe you can swap babysitting with another couple that would like to get out occasionally. Use coupons, groupons and promos to make your meals more affordable. Pack up some sandwiches and a package of cookies if you're really tight on money and go sit at a park and talk (or make-out!). Here's a great discussion on how to make date night affordable over at MoneySavingMom. Make your marriage a priority, even when it's hard. You won't be sorry you did. I promise!

Day 20: Helpful Books

I love to read, so it stands to reason that I look to books for advice on parenting. Here are a few that I've read over the past year that I've really enjoyed and I think you would too!



1. What to Expect the First Year
The first book I’ve found helpful is the ubiquitous What to Expect the First Year by Heidi Murkoff. This is much more of a “baby encyclopedia” than a reading book. It’s great for all that factual stuff like what a baby’s temperature should be, guidelines for month-by-month development, and helpful advice in certain situations (what to do when your nursing babe starts biting, for example). I keep it on hand to reference, bearing in mind that it’s helpful advice but remembering to also trust my instincts and check with my mom-tors if something really has me stumped.

2. Parenting with Love and Logic
This book by Foster Cline and Jim Fay was recommended to me by Andrea. While it’s not terribly applicable to an infant, the basic principle of allowing your kids freedom to make decisions and mistakes is one that I’m trying to implement from the beginning with Javi. There are also some really interesting situations in the second half of the book that show how to apply the principles of Love and Logic.

3. Grace Based Parenting
I can’t remember how I came across this book by Dr. Tim Kimmel, but I loved it. The gist of this parenting book is the idea that Christ loves us and extends grace to us, allowing us to learn and grow, and we should do the same for our children. Dr Kimmel explains how it’s tempting to set up an inflexible system of rules and regulations for our kids so that they make us look good, but that what is lost in that style of parenting is a concern for our children’s heart attitudes. I loved this book.

4. A Woman After God’s Own Heart
This wonderful book by Elizabeth George isn’t a parenting book per se, but there are several sections that speak specifically to parenting. It’s a great book on what it looks like to truly live for God as a woman, wife, mother and friend. She gives lots of examples from her life and the book is written in a very approachable, relateable tone. Almost like a virtual mentor!

5. Bringing Up Bebe

I loved this book, written by  American Pamela Druckerman raising her three children in Paris. It was interesting to compare the French philosophy of parenting to the philosophies I’ve observed here and in Spain, and see the differences. If nothing else, this book will challenge you to see that there isn’t just one “right” way to raise your children.
6. Loving the Little Years 
This book by Rachel Jankovic is a little nugget of encouragement and laughter. The tagline is Motherhood in the Trenches, which is so perfect. She has some really good advice, but mostly encourages you to buck up and do what you know is right in those busy, all consuming years of parenting little children. And, it’s a quick read so it’s easy to fit in a chapter at a time!

The Bible
I’m not trying to be cliche here, or earn brownie points by telling you that you should also read the Bible and look to it as a parenting resource. It truly is a book I find helpful (oh so helpful!) for encouragement, direction, and wisdom for each day. Javi and I are reading through the Psalms right now, which always encourage and uplift me. The Proverbs are full of parenting advice. Paul’s epistles encourage me to live victoriously, not as a failure, because the Creator of the Universe loves me and made me a part of his family. That’s why I recommend the Bible! :-)

So there you have it. A handful of books that have really helped me in this first year of motherhood. I’d love to hear about any other books you’ve read that you’ve found to be helpful. I’m always looking for my next book! :-)

Day 19: Find "Mom-tors"

Everyone needs a “mom-tor” (mentor who is a mom) in their life. You need to be able to talk to someone who has been around the block a few times. Someone that you can ask about teething, temper tantrums, and how to find time to cook dinner every night. Someone who will listen as you talk about your kid as if they are brilliant and gifted because to you, they are! Someone who can look at your situation objectively and tell you what you need to hear, even if you don’t want to hear it.
One of my “mom-tors” is my friend Andrea. She has four kids who are currently all entering college, graduating high school or beginning high school. It’s a fun and busy time in her life. She’s a fun, wise friend that I can talk to about any and everything - and believe me I have. If I didn’t have other responsibilities, I would go park myself on her front porch every day and talk for hours. Of course, she probably appreciates that I have other responsibilities which keep me from becoming a front porch squatter. :)
Andrea recently started her own business - a global extension of her front porch. It’s called Martha Street and it’s awesome. She blogs about all sorts of fun stuff, offers counseling, and a host of other awesome stuff. Hop on over and check it out, it’s a great place to hang out!

Day 18: Me Time

I’m an introvert. I love to be alone, to have a quiet house, to be able to hear myself think. I love to create, and to completely immerse myself in the creative process. I love to read a really great book - I love getting so completely absorbed in a book that I lose track of time and where I am.

When I had Javi, my limitless “me time” got a whole lot more limited. My days fly by, filled with caring for a little person’s needs, ticklefests on the floor, and lot of laundry, sweeping and mopping. It would be easy to look at my full days and decide that I don’t have time to take time for myself. There are lots of things that seem more important. But the reality is that if I don’t take some time for myself to restore ME, that I will do a subpar job as a wife and mom.

So I’ve tried to be really, really purposeful in making the time to do things that refresh me. I’ve already talked about how in those first few weeks my showers and baths were “me time.” I don't read books, I devour them, so I was able to churn through several novels in my nightly baths in those first few weeks. Escaping into the pages of a book for half an hour did wonders for me.

Once Javi was a little bigger and was nursing less frequently, I would leave him with Lover and jet out of the house for a few hours of shopping, chilling at Barnes & Noble, or grabbing a coffee. (I need to mention here how awesome my husband is, he never begrudges me these times alone,  and I never worry about leaving Javi in his very, very capable hands.)

Now that Javi is ten months old, he’s good at playing by himself for quite a while, so the mornings have become my special time. I get up at 7:30 or so when Lover leaves, and then I have anywhere from half an hour to an hour of time to drink tea, read blogs, pray, or whatever else I feel like. Then I go get the little monster and we start our day.

I’ve also figured out how to break up a lot of my creative projects into small little steps that I can work on little by little. I thrive on crossing things off my to-do list, so I love making progress, even if it is infinitesimal.

I’ve also had to make some mental changes. I’ve had to accept that I won’t be able to lose myself in a book for an entire day. I’m not going to be able to immerse myself in a project for days on end, letting the house go to pot and forgetting to cook  meals. I’m getting used to being interrupted constantly. For example, as I’ve written this post, I’ve gotten up four times to get Javi engaged with a toy, give him a drink, switch the laundry and get Javi settled with another toy. That’s just the reality of my life right now, and when I remember that, my days are a whole lot easier.

There will come a day when I’ll have endless free time again. But in this season of life, I need to be creative about getting “me time” and be flexible about how I get it. I’ve purposely written this post without a list of ways you can have “me time”, because it’s different for everyone. And I don’t know what it is you need to feel like you are ready to take the world on again. So I’m just encouraging you to make it a priority!

Day 17: Trust Your Instincts

Today's topic is a simple one, trust your instincts. As moms we often get bombarded by advice from well meaning friends and family (I hope you don't feel bombarded by this series!) and it can be overwhelming trying to decide which advice to listen to for your baby. Should you let your little guy cry himself to sleep? Or should you co-sleep with him till he's a year old? Should you start him on cereal at two weeks? Four months? Nine months? Above all else (with prayer :-), trust your instincts. You are your child's mother, and no one knows that little baby better than you. My husband was amazed that even as a tiny babe, I could differentiate Javi's cries. The sleepy cry, the hungry cry, the angry cry. It took some work and time, and I had to really pay attention, but because I had gotten to know my baby, I was a "Javi-expert."

There were two areas where my expertise in my child proved right over and over. One - he was always cold. Of course, he was born right at the beginning of a northern winter, so I would expect him to be! But so many people critiqued me for having him bundled up, snuggled in fleecy pajamas or swaddled in thick blankets. They were constantly peeling away blankets and clothes. But I stuck to my guns, knowing that he slept better and was happier in general when he was toasty warm. The other area was food. My child is an excellent eater. I'm not saying that to brag, it's just a fact. Some kids are good at eating, some at sleeping. The kid nursed like a champ from the beginning, and has a voracious appetite. I'm a little scared about the teenage years! This monstrous appetite meant that at four months, breastmilk alone was not enough to fill his little belly. He was nursing every two hours and crying afterwards in frustration because he was still hungry. People told me I was crazy, but as soon as I started him on oatmeal, he calmed down and started sleeping more too. The babe was just hungry!

I always recommend seeking the advice of others. It's awesome to have experienced moms   to share what worked best for them. It's great to bounce ideas off anyone, with kids or not, to get an impartial opinion. But ultimately, YOU must decide what's best for your baby. Weigh all the advice, and then trust your instincts.

Day 16: Learn to Say No

Well, we are halfway through the 31 day series, and I am still alive! I’m having a lot of fun writing out this series and I am considering printing all these little blurbs out into an actual book that I can tuck away with my maternity clothes. That way when preggo brain hits I  can just reference my book instead of trying to recall all of this fun stuff in the recesses of my brain. :)

Today’s topic is a simple one, but one that is oh-so-hard for me to implement. Learn to say “no.” I’m not talking about discipline, although it is important to say no to your child. I’m talking about saying no to others when they ask you to do something in those first few weeks of baby boot camp. Every baby (and birth, for that matter) is different, and your recovery and bonding with the baby will be different every time. You may feel up to meeting your sisters at the mall for some shopping four days after the babe is born, and you may not. Don’t feel guilty about saying no.

Say no to visitors if you are not up to them. We really wanted our first night in the hospital to just be the three of us, and we prepped everyone ahead of time that we wouldn’t want to see anyone until the day after. There were some complaints, but in the end the doctors actually backed us up and made visitors off limits because of the rough birth that Javi had. So that worked out well!

In those first couple of weeks our schedule was really flexible. Looking back, I wish I had kept it even more flexible. There is just so much that changes from day to day, and there were several things I should have said no to. Recruit your husband to your “no” team, and ask him to field calls if you don’t feel up to turning people down. This doesn’t mean that you stop asking for help, but it does mean that you can tell your older kids that they won’t be attending Girl Scouts for a couple of weeks. Resist the urge to add anything to your schedule in the beginning unless you absolutely know it will be worth it.

If you’re bad at saying no like I am, practice saying no to yourself so that you get used to hearing yourself saying it! :)

 

Check out the other fifteen days in my series, 31 Days of New Baby Advice!

Day 15: One Day At A Time

Girls, I’ve got one of those weeks ahead of me. I’m busy every day during the day, and as of this morning we have one evening free until Sunday, and that one evening will probably need to be spent on miscellaneous house stuff.


Typically, I only have something on the calendar one or two days a week, during the day. I’m a real homebody, and I like nothing more than waking up in the morning knowing that the whole day stretches before me, full of possibilities, without a schedule to adhere to. But, more often than not, there are a few things on my calendar that I need to plan around.

If I were to sit here and list all of the things that we’ve got going on this week and into the weekend, I might freak out, just a smidge. That whole jam packed week overwhelms me. I have no idea how I’m going to get through the next seven days. I mumble, half-panicked, to God “how will I ever get through this? Please help me survive the next week” Guess what his answer is? No.

Surprised? Let me explain. One of my favorite verses is “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” God always gives us the grace we need to get through the day. But that grace is for TODAY. It doesn’t extend to this coming Thursday. That doesn’t mean that God won’t give me the grace on Thursday to get through Thursday, but it does mean that if I start worrying and stressing about Thursday on Monday, I’m just wasting time. God has equipped me with all of the tools I need today, to get through today. Then I go to sleep, wake up tomorrow, and He will give me the grace I need to get through THAT day.

There’s a verse in Matthew that says “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” When I paraphrase this verse in my head, it goes something like this “Stop worrying about tomorrow. You have enough to do today.”
While this has always been true in my life, it has become essential to my daily survival since having Javi. I have to take one day at a time, and learn to stop stressing about the future (or the past!). I need to beg God for the grace and strength and patience to make it through today. I need His wisdom to know how to best take care of and teach Javi today. I need His power shining through me to love him the way in the best way possible. And I am only capable of doing that today. I can’t store any of it up for tomorrow. I can’t “get ahead” on parenting. I have to live each day as it comes, in the best way that I can. When today is over, I lay my head down on my pillow and thank God for getting me through the day. And in the morning, I ask Him to give me the grace I need for the day ahead of me again. One day at a time.

Day 14: Lay Off Dairy

Psst - the "lay off dairy" is in reference to this bit from Brian Regan, one of my all time favorite comedians. 

 Babies’ tiny stomachs aren’t good at handling dairy in those first few weeks and months. It makes them grumpy and colicky. And a grumpy baby means that those first few hard weeks are even harder. It takes two weeks to a month for dairy to leave your system. So if you are planning on breastfeeding, stop eating dairy a month before the baby is born. Or, minimally, once the baby arrives. So many babies are sensitive to it in the beginning, but quickly outgrow it after a couple of months.

Javi was mildly sensitive to milk, yogurt and strong cheeses through my breastmilk. I went off dairy about two weeks after he was born, and noticed an improvement almost right away. I substituted coconut milk in my cereal, ate baked goods instead of ice cream at night, and did my best to avoid cheese of any kind. It was tricky but a little brainstorming and googling helped me come up with tasty alternatives. 

Is it hard to give up milk, cheese, and, my personal kryptonite, ice cream? You betcha. But the result is a happy and healthy baby who will be in less pain, and an easier time for you. Try it, you won't be dissappointed! 

Here's a link to another blogger who went dairy-free for her babe, the comments section has a lot of links to yummy, dairy-free foods. 

Hope that helps! 

Day 13: Hire a Housecleaner

 One of the things my mostest awesomest husband did for me after the babe joined our family was to purchase a day of housecleaning for me. About six weeks after Javi was born, two professional housecleaners came out and swept and mopped all my floors, dusted all the horizontal surfaces and scrubbed my bathroom from top to bottom. It was amazing. And I highly recommend it for anyone with a new babe.

But Jenny, you say, I am not filthy rich! That's ok, we are not either! :) I see daily deals and groupons for housecleaners all the time. It can be a one time thing like mine was, or maybe you can afford an hour or two a week for a couple of months. Either way, it will be a load lifted from your shoulders during those first few weeks when you can’t seem to find time to blow your nose. :-)

Day 12: By Two Years Old

 

My two week old slept through the night!
My nine month old is running half marathons!
My four month old eats cereal, applesauce and puffs like a champ!
My baby pottytrained in a day and a half!

My girlfriend gave me these very wise words "every baby is walking, talking and eating by two. Everything between those first few weeks and their two year old birthday  is pretty flexible, so don't worry about it…or brag about it…" 

Wise words from that girl, let me tell you. I've repeated them to many of my friends, and to myself, over and over. It’s so easy to start the never ending comparison train. And, so dangerous.

Babies are individuals, and they are going to develop at their own pace. There is little you can do to “accelerate” them. Yes, you can sleep train. You can feed them wholesome food so their little bodies grow big and strong. You can give them tummy time every day so that they develop their gross motor skills. But at the end of the day, it still comes down to how your little babe’s DNA is programmed to develop. So don’t compare your baby to other babies, good or bad. Be thankful for your awesome, unique little one and enjoy the stage they’re in. Don’t stress about it, and don’t brag about it. Just enjoy it!

Day 11: When You Feel Like a Failure

 

Yesterday was one of those days. You know the kind - where nothing goes right, and everything feels like it is going south. Nothing was really wrong, but my hormones were all out of whack and man, I felt like a failure. A terrible wife, a failure as a mom. My photos were no good, my house was a pigsty... you know how it goes. I’m behind on laundry, the sink is full of dishes, my floors are filthy. I can’t ever make any headway on my projects, Javi’s forehead is covered in bruises because he has taken to hitting his head on the floor because... well, I just don’t know why. I’m counting down the hours until the day is over, I can crawl into bed and hope that tomorrow will be better.

Here’s the truth. I am not a failure. I am a fantastic wife, a fabulous mother, and I do my best to keep my family, clean, fed, healthy and happy. I am also a woman that God created with an intricate, complex set of hormones. And these hormones sometimes conspire against me and try to convince me that I am crazy. But those are my hormones talking. What’s the truth?

I am a child of the King, a daughter of the most high, incredibly blessed by the Creator of the universe. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and works incredibly hard for us. A happy, healthy son who adores me and makes me laugh. I am young and strong and healthy.

A wise man told me “the difference between correction and condemnation is that correction pushes you towards Christ, condemnation pushes you away from Christ.” When I am in my hormone induced downward spiral of despair, I do my very best to remember this. I stop, collect myself and tell myself what the TRUTH is. God loves me, and all he asks of me is that I love Him and love those around me.

Post partum hormones are no joke, girls. Your body is shedding hormones, and pumping you up with new ones. Once all that craziness is over, guess what? You’re still a woman with hormones. :) . Learn what your triggers are, what starts you on that crazy cycle that ends with you feeling like a failure. Write down what you know to be true, and start repeating it to yourself (out loud if necessary!) when the crazies hit.

And remember, when you feel like a failure, it’s the hormones talking. Stop listening to them, and start listening to your Father.

These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God [is] with thee whithersoever thou goest.

Day 10: Ask for Help

 

Man, was I bad at this. I remember a day when I was absolutely at the end of my rope, exhausted, emotional, and bordering on crazy. I sat (collapsed?) on the kitchen floor and sobbed my heart out. Crying helped, but you know what would have been better? Calling up any of my plethora of family and friends and asking for some help. Someone to make or bring dinner, someone to come cuddle with Javi while I took a nap, someone to clean my house. My pride kept me from asking, and I can only speculate as to how much easier my life would have been those first few months if I had just said “I need help!” So ask! Please!

Things to ask for help with:

• Entertain baby while you shower/paint your nails/take a nap.


• Make or bring over dinner


• Listen while you voice new mom concerns


• Watch other kiddos so you can shower/paint your nails/take a nap


• Watch baby while you get out of the house for an hour or two


• Wash your dishes or load the dishwasher


• Take over an obligation for you for a few months (like hosting your monthly book club meeting)


• Watch baby while you and your husband go on a date