Make Time for Friends

I had a friend over for lunch this week. We enjoyed several uninterrupted hours of great conversation, and as she pulled out of my driveway, I found myself thinking how blessed I am to have such a great group of girlfriends.  We laugh together, give advice, listen to our hurts and struggles.  Not too long ago, I didn't have many girlfriends. Now I have more than I know what to do with :-), and it's so much fun.

This week, make time for a friend. Get together and talk about your lives, about what's going well, about what's not. You can lunch, or meet for coffee, or just meet in your house. Don't stress about whether or not your house is clean, or if things are perfect. Just have fun. One of the greatest blessings we have in life is having friends to go through life with us. :-)

A Happy Life

Lately I have been thinking a lot about happiness. And contentment. And how both of those things are intrinsically linked. Someone was asking me the other day about my job, and if there are any elements of it that I just really hate. I sat there for a few minutes thinking about it, and wondering at the fact that there literally isn't anything in my life right now that I hate. Part of that is that fact that I am incredibly blessed  - all my needs are provided for, I don't have to work a "normal" job, I have a husband who loves me, more family and friends than I can barely handle, and a "job" that feels like playing every day.

The other part though, is that I am learning to be content. Are there things about my life that I would like to be different? Sure. I'd love for Wendhurst Castle to be completely renovated. I'd LOVE it if Lover didn't have to travel so much. I'd love it if my family, and my adorable nephews, lived closer.  But, I am not going to dwell on these things. I am learning to simply accept the different things in my life as pieces of a puzzle that all add up to create the wonderful life that I enjoy.

We've spent nearly four out of the last ten months away from home, and that was really hard. At the same time, it was really easy. I'm learning that even though my preference may be for one thing, it does not have to have any bearing on my mood, attitude towards others, or my enjoyment of each day.

When I spent a month in California in August, it was really hard to be away from Lover. It was frustrating to lose time to work on the house, to see friends, to enjoy "my life." But, I got to spend gobs of time with my little one year old nephew who I love to death, get to know my brother-in-law a lot more, and be a blessing to them at a time when they were really in a difficult place. And I honestly loved doing it.

I guess you could say that I am learning to roll with the punches. :-) Paul said, "I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." Lately, this verse has made me chuckle, because I have taken it literally to heart: New York, California, Pennsylvania, or even Canada or Spain. But the message there is so much more than just superficial. It means, in a nutshell; "no matter what is going on, I will choose to be satisfied with the life that has been given me."

And that, my friends, is what it is all about. Learning to accept the life God has given you, and being truly grateful for it. Lover said recently, in a conversation about trials and blessings, that some people have trouble seeing the blessings when they are in the midst of  a trial. But, when our perspective is on the blessings that surround us, all of the sudden it is hard to see the trial in the midst of the blessings. I couldn't agree more.

Gratefulness

I read a bunch of posts over the last few days about Mother's Day. Some were happy, a lot were whiny. These moms  basically talked about how their husbands and children had not met their expectations for the "one day that was all about them." And while I can see their point about how hard it is to be a mother, the overarching theme that hit me while reading this post was the amount of ungratefulness. Ironically, many of these women were complaining that their children seemed ungrateful of the work that the moms do for their children every day. However, the mothers, by assuming that they were deserving of "praise" or "pampering" by their children, were exhibiting their true hearts of ungratefulness.

Proverbs 31 talks about a virtuous woman, and in one of the verses, it says that her children "rise up and call her blessed." Last week I went to a funeral for a lovely woman from our church, and her children did exactly this. They all spoke of the love she had shown them, of the work ethic she had taught them, and the example that she had been to them by being a sweet, perpetually smiling mother. The praise from her children wasn't forced, canned or expected. It was honest and sincere and came from the heart.

It's noteworthy that in Proverbs 31, the children weren't celebrating their mother on Mother's Day (that we know of). The virtuous woman wasn't expecting her children to praise her. From everything we know of this woman, she worked hard, cared for her family, and had little concern for herself or "what she deserved".

Lover and I were talking the other day about expectations. He hates all events that come with mandatory gifts, because they create an expectation that the person deserves a gift, and the giver is compelled to give a gift. It is much easier for the person receiving the gift to feel as if they deserve the gift, and therefore be less grateful.

It's not difficult to be grateful when you understand that you are not entitled to anything. That there is no guarantee that you will have anything, or receive anything. God promises us food and clothing, and that is it. So, if you have food in your belly (and your cupboards) and clothing on your body, your expectations have been met. Absolutely everything beyond that is given to us, and we should therefore be grateful for it. Make no assumptions that you deserve a healthy family, or even a family, for that matter. Do not assume that you deserve a large home, with a yard and a dog. Do not assume that your husband, children or family should praise you, or that you deserve a day off.

When you have removed the expectation that you deserve something, suddenly everything becomes a gift. The air you're breathing, and the fact that you can breathe easily. The sound of your children playing (maybe even fighting) because you have been given children, and healthy children at that. The beautiful items surrounding you  in your home, and also the home you live in.

Some of the many, many gifts I've been given are:

• A husband who loves me and wants me to be happy, cares about my needs and cares for me the very best that he can.


• A family protected from illness, death and divorce.


• A beautiful home to call our own.


• Brothers and sisters in Christ that continue to expand my family.


• My own health including being able to walk, talk, hear and see.


• The fact that winter is always followed by spring.


• Friends who support me, uplift me and encourage me.


• A variety of foods in my pantry, cupboards and freezer.


• Gas in my working car.


• Multiple pairs of shoes for my feet.


• A closet full of clothes.


• Extra rooms in my house for family and friends

I could go on and on all day. When I stop to list the things I am blessed with, it is truly humbling. Anything I may have wanted to complain about becomes paltry in comparison. Life may be hard, mundane or discouraging, but remember;

"He never promised that the cross would not get heavy, that the hill would not be hard to climb. He never offered our victory without fighting but he said help would always come in time"

On Bethlehem, PA and wrestling.

So.... I travel around a lot with Lover, and a few weeks ago we went to Bethlehem, PA. He was scheduled for what was supposed to be an easy day of work, but about five hours of travel to and from the site, so I tagged along to keep him company. And we stayed at this nice Holiday Inn, which was great, because I have stayed in a lot of hotels and let me tell you, some are better than others. :-)

Anyways, Lover goes to work first thing Monday morning, and I hang out in the hotel room for a few hours. Once checkout time rolls around, I pack up my laptop and head down to the guest lounge, which, again, is really nice. And I get myself all set up at a table and prepare to spend a couple of hours surfing the net and just generally wasting time. Let me tell you, this is one of my favorite ways to pass the day. I was luv-in it.

So then Lover calls and yada-yada-yada, we are staying because there is a problem with the do-hickey and the thinger that controls it. And yes, those are the technical terms that he used. So I get all comfortable, and hang out in the lounge for a few more hours, and then go back and re-check into the room.

Oh yeah. I forgot to mention that the entire hotel is full the first night and again this night because there is some sort of wrestling convention in the area, and when you live in Bethlehem, PA that is a big deal. Cause there's like a total of 35 people that live in this little town. :-) So I check back into the hotel, and we go out to eat, and have a nice evening.

Day 2. Lover goes back to work, trying to fix the do-hickey. I hang out in the hotel room, a little longer this time, because we asked for a late checkout. Then I pack up, head down to the lounge, and set myself up at a table, once again as happy as a clam with my internet and notebook. So there I am, minding my own business, all alone in the rather large lounge, when a bunch of the wrestlers and their parents come in. And the irony is, that morning I had looked in the mirror and thought, "gosh, I look pretty hot today" Little did I know I'd be regretting that cute outfit before I knew it.

Wrestler Kids One and Two settle in on the lounge couch across the room and turn on the TV. Wrestler's Dad settles in too. They sit for a total of 60 seconds, and manage to be gross and rude in that short amount of time. I do my best to ignore them and project an "I'm busy, leave me alone" attitude. It doesn't work. Wrestler Kid One, who looks to be about 18, stands up, turns around and says to me "so...what's up with you? You were here yesterday too."

Yes, Wrestler One. I was. You are nothing if not observant. I nicely, but disinterestedly answer "I'm waiting for my husband, who is down here for work." Emphasis on husband. Emphasis on leave.me.alone.

Wrestler Kid One looks crestfallen, and leaves with Wrestler Kid Two immediately. I breathe a sigh of relief that I have shaken off the overly hormonal twerps. I turn my attention back to my computer, trying to block out the noise of the TV.

Ten minutes later, Wrestler Dad, still on the couch, turns around and asks "so what does your husband do?"

My thoughts: Really? That was the best one-liner you could come up with, asking me about my husband?"

"He works with computers."

"Really? What exactly?" Wrestler Dad, with an air of " that is so interesting, please keep talking to me"

Me, bored and irritated "He does blah-blah-blah and I travel with him sometimes." Thinking "please leave me alone"

Him. "Well we are here for the wrestling convention" You're joking. I so did not get that. "My sons are both competing. They're in one of the top wrestling teams in Delaware."

Delaware has less people than this dinky town. Whoop-de-doo.

"They are so good. We've traveled all over, and they are so great. And blah-blah-blah. And my sons this. And that"

Dear God, how do I get out of this? Maybe if I bring up Lover again?

Me: "Yeah, Lover and I travel a lot too, all over. He took me to NYC for two weeks last year. I love spending time with him."

In other words, I am not, nor will I ever be, interested in you.

Wrestler Dad begins to try a new approach "Oh. Well, my wife has never come with us to any of the wrestling stuff." Because it is as boring as watching paint dry? Or maybe she is grossed out by men in skimpy jumpsuits grabbing at each other?

"She never does anything with me. I don't think she even likes me anymore."

I love when men try to be subtle. Like I don't know where you are going with this. You're lonely. Newsflash, I am not. Leave me alone!

At this point I am thoroughly annoyed and wishing with all my might that I could get out of this conversation. Unfortunately, there's no where else in the hotel for me to go, and it is -20 degrees outside.

Miraculously, Wrestler Dad gets a phone call, and is distracted long enough for me to text Lover:

"CALL ME. I DON'T CARE IF YOU CAN'T TALK. I WILL MAKE.SOMETHING.UP"

Lover calls, and I pretend to be talking to him for several minutes. It's long enough for Wrestler Dad to get sidetracked by some other parents who had come into the room. I make a run for the bathroom, and hide there until Lover comes to pick me up about a half an hour later.

Moral of the story: Check the news before you travel to small, rural towns. You never know what kind of lonely, wrestler dads will be waiting for you. Then again, if you are single and desperate, I know just the event for you.