o.... I travel around a lot with Lover, and a few weeks ago we went to Bethlehem, PA. He was scheduled for what was supposed to be an easy day of work, but about five hours of travel to and from the site, so I tagged along to keep him company. And we stayed at this nice Holiday Inn, which was great, because I have stayed in a lot of hotels and let me tell you, some are better than others. :-)
Anyways, Lover goes to work first thing Monday morning, and I hang out in the hotel room for a few hours. Once checkout time rolls around, I pack up my laptop and head down to the guest lounge, which, again, is really nice. And I get myself all set up at a table and prepare to spend a couple of hours surfing the net and just generally wasting time. Let me tell you, this is one of my favorite ways to pass the day. I was luv-in it.
So then Lover calls and yada-yada-yada, we are staying because there is a problem with the do-hickey and the thinger that controls it. And yes, those are the technical terms that he used. So I get all comfortable, and hang out in the lounge for a few more hours, and then go back and re-check into the room.
Oh yeah. I forgot to mention that the entire hotel is full the first night and again this night because there is some sort of wrestling convention in the area, and when you live in Bethlehem, PA that is a big deal. Cause there's like a total of 35 people that live in this little town. :-) So I check back into the hotel, and we go out to eat, and have a nice evening.
Day 2. Lover goes back to work, trying to fix the do-hickey. I hang out in the hotel room, a little longer this time, because we asked for a late checkout. Then I pack up, head down to the lounge, and set myself up at a table, once again as happy as a clam with my internet and notebook. So there I am, minding my own business, all alone in the rather large lounge, when a bunch of the wrestlers and their parents come in. And the irony is, that morning I had looked in the mirror and thought, "gosh, I look pretty hot today" Little did I know I'd be regretting that cute outfit before I knew it.
Wrestler Kids One and Two settle in on the lounge couch across the room and turn on the TV. Wrestler's Dad settles in too. They sit for a total of 60 seconds, and manage to be gross and rude in that short amount of time. I do my best to ignore them and project an "I'm busy, leave me alone" attitude. It doesn't work. Wrestler Kid One, who looks to be about 18, stands up, turns around and says to me "so...what's up with you? You were here yesterday too."
Yes, Wrestler One. I was. You are nothing if not observant. I nicely, but disinterestedly answer "I'm waiting for my husband, who is down here for work." Emphasis on husband. Emphasis on leave.me.alone.
Wrestler Kid One looks crestfallen, and leaves with Wrestler Kid Two immediately. I breathe a sigh of relief that I have shaken off the overly hormonal twerps. I turn my attention back to my computer, trying to block out the noise of the TV.
Ten minutes later, Wrestler Dad, still on the couch, turns around and asks "so what does your husband do?"
My thoughts: Really? That was the best one-liner you could come up with, asking me about my husband?"
"He works with computers."
"Really? What exactly?" Wrestler Dad, with an air of " that is so interesting, please keep talking to me"
Me, bored and irritated "He does blah-blah-blah and I travel with him sometimes." Thinking "please leave me alone"
Him. "Well we are here for the wrestling convention" You're joking. I so did not get that. "My sons are both competing. They're in one of the top wrestling teams in Delaware."
Delaware has less people than this dinky town. Whoop-de-doo.
"They are so good. We've traveled all over, and they are so great. And blah-blah-blah. And my sons this. And that"
Dear God, how do I get out of this? Maybe if I bring up Lover again?
Me: "Yeah, Lover and I travel a lot too, all over. He took me to NYC for two weeks last year. I love spending time with him."
In other words, I am not, nor will I ever be, interested in you.
Wrestler Dad begins to try a new approach "Oh. Well, my wife has never come with us to any of the wrestling stuff." Because it is as boring as watching paint dry? Or maybe she is grossed out by men in skimpy jumpsuits grabbing at each other?
"She never does anything with me. I don't think she even likes me anymore."
I love when men try to be subtle. Like I don't know where you are going with this. You're lonely. Newsflash, I am not. Leave me alone!
At this point I am thoroughly annoyed and wishing with all my might that I could get out of this conversation. Unfortunately, there's no where else in the hotel for me to go, and it is -20 degrees outside.
Miraculously, Wrestler Dad gets a phone call, and is distracted long enough for me to text Lover:
"CALL ME. I DON'T CARE IF YOU CAN'T TALK. I WILL MAKE.SOMETHING.UP"
Lover calls, and I pretend to be talking to him for several minutes. It's long enough for Wrestler Dad to get sidetracked by some other parents who had come into the room. I make a run for the bathroom, and hide there until Lover comes to pick me up about a half an hour later.
Moral of the story: Check the news before you travel to small, rural towns. You never know what kind of lonely, wrestler dads will be waiting for you. Then again, if you are single and desperate, I know just the event for you.
We've watched just about everything of his that we can get our hands on, but our favorite has got to be the "I Walked on the Moon/Me Monster" bit. He talks about that annoying person at a party that thinks it is all about them, and constantly cuts you off in order to one up you. And he fantasizes about being one of the twelve men to have walked on the moon, as the ultimate come-uppance. Here's the skit:
