Day 27: 0n Losses

It's so easy for me to dwell on my losses. Loss of sleep. Loss of food options for dinner.  I'm trying to narrow down a possible dairy sensitivity in Keilana, so I'm trying to cut out as much dairy as possible without becoming neurotic. She also has thrush, so I'm limiting my sugar intake as well to starve the yeast. I had already given up chocolate a few weeks ago when she woke up covered in baby acne from the top of her head to her armpits.

 I could grieve the loss of free time,  or, more importantly to me, alone time. I could bemoan the fact that a quick, simple trip to the store is no longer quick, nor simple.

But all that does is get me depressed about the supposedly negative things in my life. I'd rather be happy! :-)  So I'm doing my best to reshape my perspective on these things. Keilana is sleeping so much more than I expected, and I no longer feel like a zombie. All of the diet restrictions are forcing me to eat healthy, which is helping lose the baby weight, and maybe even a little more, if I'm really lucky :-).

I'm infinitely more grateful for the times that I do get alone, and I soak up every moment instead of wasting them. I'm so grateful to Lover for making sure I get that time to recharge, often times at the expense of our time together.

And when I really stop to consider the nuts and bolts of our day to day life, I'm reminded that we are so very, incredibly, blessed. My children are absolute treasures. Beautiful, happy, healthy children. My husband is the best a girl could ask for. He is my endless source of strength and encouragement. And so I find that I don't really miss these "losses" in the midst of the blessings. Okay maybe the chocolate. I miss that a little. :-)

 

 

Day 25: 0n Those Strange Feelings

This week was a good week. With the exception of a few whiny moments, (mine, not the kiddos!) I felt like my attitude was right this week and that made everything both easier to handle and more fun along the way. Plus, Keilana started sleeping in 7+ hour stretches at night, and let me tell you, that feels amazing.

This morning I woke up as Lover left for work, and both kiddos were still asleep. I had time to read, pray a little, make myself some tea and shower before Javi woke up. And then, I had time to change him, dress us both, put on my makeup and feed us breakfast before Keilana woke up.

We ran errands for tomorrow (we're having a little celebration for Keilana) and then I made lunch, gave Javi a bath, fed Keilana and put them both down for naps. As I was walking back downstairs, a strange feeling came over me. As I paused to examine the feeling, I realized that I was happy. Just plain happy. Not happy but tired. Not happy but in pain. It was a relief and it felt amazing.

Keilana will be two months old in 3 days. She is the sweetest baby. She already has huge smiles (although I'll be darned if I can catch one with my camera!) and does her very best to communicate through little coos and gurgles. Javi loves her to death, and he's growing by leaps and bounds. He charges into any situation without a shred of fear, and is constantly learning new things. He makes half a dozen friends on any given day that we run errands. His friendliness and happiness amaze me.

I like being a mom. I like that, even though there are really, really hard days when I want to run out the door screaming, it's something so worthwhile. I like that it's stretching me and growing me in ways that I never could have imagined. I'm glad that God blessed me with two sweet little kiddos, and that he trusts me to raise them right. And I'm glad that I'm getting more sleep. ;-)

Day 24: 0n Teatime

I have very special memories of growing up that involved my mom and I drinking lots of cups of tea from fancy tea cups. I don't remember doing it before I was a teenager, but I have countless memories of our "tea parties" once we moved to Spain. We would brew up a pot of tea, pull out our English china tea cups, set a pretty table and sit down to talk. We'd sip our tea and talk for hours. It was during those years that my mom was not just my "mom" but she also became my friend.

We had so much fun on our travels picking out a new beautiful tea cup; we bought genuine English Porcelain Cups in London, England, and Russian china on a trip to France. We bought beautiful napkins and tablecloths in the little shops of Zaragoza. We bought the neatest little nesting cup and pot with a toile pattern in another little store.

So needless to say, I am excited about sharing that tradition with my kids as they grow up. I would like it to be a time when we can practice our manners, create special memories, and of course - talk!

Yesterday, Javi fell out of bed (he's up on a regular bed frame now) about 45 minutes into his nap. I went upstairs to check on him, and while he was unharmed, the nap was history. So I brought him downstairs with me and got us settled on the couch. After a few minutes I decided to make a cup of tea, and my little shadow followed right behind me. I looked down into those blue eyes and thought, today is the perfect day for some tea for both of us!


So we sat on the couch and drank our tea (he didn't spill a drop) and we had a great time. Javi was so excited to be drinking tea with me. He pointed to my cup ( Mommy tea!) and then his (Javi tea!) over and over with a huge smile. It made my afternoon.

Day 23: On Being Suzy Homemaker

I find great peace and contentedness in staying home, cooking, cleaning and creating things for our home.

I know that sounds awfully 1950's of me. I don't feel completely comfortable talking about this topic, probably because my generation was raised with the idea that, as women, we needed to "make something of ourselves." I had big plans to go to college (I did) and become a working woman. (I did) I have trouble articulating exactly why my change of heart came about.

There are some things that just elude me. The ability to capture with my camera the beauty of sunshine glowing through fall leaves. How it is possible to create another little life inside my own body. Finding the words to express how keeping my home and caring for my family fulfills me in a way that I didn't know was possible.



Over the last two weeks, I've been slowly easing back into cooking, crafting and keeping up the house. I made my Grandma's lasagna. I used up our leftovers by making a quiche, and it was awesome.



Last Wednesday I canned for the first time. I canned apple butter and pear butter for Christmas gifts. Yum. It was surprisingly easy, and quite fun too.

I'm so glad that I'm able to stay home fulltime with my kiddos. I'm glad Lover works hard and provides abundantly for us so that I can stay home. And I am glad that God changed my heart and made this exactly where I want to be.



 

Day 22: 0n Being Practical

Horror of horrors, I'm becoming a practical person. Darn it all! My angst ridden, Anne of Green Gables loving, teenage self would disown me. But it's true. Here's the latest proof. About two weeks ago, our dryer went kaput. When you put wet towels inside and turned it on, it made a very sick sound and stunk up the towels without drying them. Curses. Time to start dryer shopping!

I had literally talked to Luke the night before about saving up for a new dryer. Our old one drove me batty because you could only dry for 30 minutes at a time on the low heat setting, and so I would have to take multiple trips down to the basement just to get a stinking load of laundry dried. It was super annoying. The dryer was getting old anyways, so Lover and I discussed saving up for the next few months and purchasing a new one when there was a good sale early next year.

Unfortunately, the dryer had other plans. And while I like to think of myself as resourceful and hardworking, going without a dryer for the next several months was just too much to ask. I've got 2 kids under 2, remember? That creates a lot of laundry. I have to change Javi's sheets just about every day, and then there are the myriad of towels, blankets and other fabric items that need to be washed on a daily basis due to the presence of a certain newborn in the house.

If money was no option, and I wasn't being practical, these are the kind of machines I would like.



Actually, I don't want a front loading washer. I've read lots of reviews about how they get moldy, something we struggle with anyways in our damp climate. Also, I'm the kind of person who starts a load and then remembers that extra towel lying on the bathroom floor. So I need to be able to throw things in after the fact. But the dryer sure is pretty. But...

I'm turning into a practical person, remember? So Lover and I decided on a budget for a "new" dryer. And I started browsing Craigslist for an electric dryer, in our price range, with delivery. It took about a week, but we found a guy who fixes up old dryers with a General Electric dryer for sale for $70. He was willing to deliver the dryer to our house if we gave him our busted one. We settled on $65 and happily kissed our busted dryer goodbye.



I wanted an all white dryer with pretty controls. Or that turquoise front loader. But at the end of the day, what I really wanted was to be able to dry our clothes, towels and sheets in a timely manner without having to turn our basement into an enormous hanging rack. So the old GE dryer won out. And you know what? It works perfectly. And it's so quiet you can barely tell it's running. And my clothes are all dry. :) Here's to practicality!



 

Day 21: 0n Fingerpainting

Last week we tried out fingerpainting. It was a big hit! I was a little (ok, a lot) afraid of the mess, but it wasn't too bad, and it cleaned up really well once we were done. I love watching Javi try out new things, and this was no exception. :) He was a little hesitant at first, but with a little encouragement he dove right in.



I figured finger painting would be a good activity to start out with (as opposed to say, watercolors or stamping) precisely because it's messy. Javi doesn't like to have stuff on his hands, so I thought an activity where you're supposed to get messy would be good for him. He did really well.



This past February I took Ashley Ann's SnapShop course and I highly, highly recommend it. It was the perfect pace for me, and I learned tons. While I knew most of the technical stuff, it was great to practice and get feedback on all my pictures, and I specifically learned a lot about capturing every day moments like this in an artistic way. I loved it. If you have the opportunity, definitely check it out!

Day 19: 0n Feeling Tired

I constantly forget that is not just about how many hours of sleep I get at night, or whether or not I had a chance for a nap. There's the whole nursing thing, and the energy it takes to sustain another life (even a tiny one!) from my body. There's the whole toddler thing too, with his boundless energy. Then there's the whole adjusting to a new normal thing that is both physically and mentally challenging, all of which is tiring!

And then the million and one other things that a girl needs to get done. Personal hygiene! Dinner for the family! Clean clothes! Etc!

It got better after three or four months with Javi. I think overall I am handling the lack of sleep better than I did the first time. Less crying, more cat naps. I'm reminding myself that this too shall pass, and someday I'll sleep thru the night again :-)  For as many hours as I want. Without interruption. :-). And it will be awesome.